March 29, 2013

Advice To Party Girls - By: Danielle Puterbaugh

Danielle Puterbaugh (In Middle)
I’m not saying that I’ve figured it all out in my 29 years, but I have drank my way through a lot. They say in therapy that the only way out is through, and I believe that that is also the case with drinking. Drinking is a part of everything in adult life. You drink to celebrate, you drink when you’re sad, you drink when you’re bored, and you drink because it’s a day that ends in the word “day”.

As a lady that likes to live life like it's a community theater production of Studio 54, I'd like to give you some tips on how to keep it together, rev up your night, and add some spice to your social life.

TIPS TO ALL MY JUDY GARLAND’S OUT THERE (NOT THE WIZARD OF OZ JUDY)

1. Sometimes makeup isn’t going to cut it:
When you’re either trying to conceal a hangover or you’re still drunk, Maybelline and Cover Girl aren't gonna cover it up. “Maybe she’s born with it?” No, maybe she’s a drunk. So skip the makeup and just go straight to my trick, red lipstick and sunglasses.

You’ll look like you’re trying to be classy and even if people know, at least you still have good accessories.

2. Cheap cocktails:
We’ve all tried to figure out how to drink cheaper. If you don’t want to sacrifice the quality of your drinks, but still have a good night, ladies, try this one out. Get your friends together and act like one of you is celebrating a birthday or bachelorette party (you could go as far as to dress as bachelorettes; it’ll get more expensive drinks). Then act as fun and flirty as you can and have dudes start buying you drinks. Shots will work better because they’re quicker.

The Puterbaugh Sisterz
Then, when you don’t want to talk to them anymore, simply act like one of your friends is going to puke in the bathroom. Or you can take the shot while always keeping in mind...

3. Walk away:
If you’ve been talking to a dude at a bar for 23 minutes and you’re not sure if he’s still talking about his old marketing degree or his aunt in North Carolina, and you really don’t want it to end in a finger blast either way, it’s not rude to just walk away.

Get up, walk away.

4. Drunk dialing:
It makes sense that you’d want to drunk dial someone you were trying to hook up with, but there’s a way to avoid embarrassment the next day. Have some back up numbers that aren’t dudes that you want to or have slept with.
- A family member that you need to catch up with or compliment.
- A customer service number of a product that you don’t like. You can leave a message lashing out about why Meow Mix or Great Lash Mascara sucks dicks.
- A friend that you’ve never liked. Just tell them exactly how you feel.

5. Fun places to booze:
If you’re sick of going to your regular local music venues or bars, screw it! Make your Friday fun and adventurous.
-Pick a friend that’s a professional, like a homeless person.
-Go drunk thrifting (this is when you drink while thrift store shopping).
-Consider hanging at one of these alternative venues: Chase Bank, Petco, a Christian book store, or an AA meeting. You can also stand next to a Redbox and act like you’re the one personally collecting the fees (and be adamant about it), then, blam-o, extra drinking money.

Contributing Writer - Danielle Puterbaugh
Catch The Puterbaugh Sisterz every week at Entertaining Julia, The best variety showcase in the city. 
The Puterbaughs are also co-producers of the Blackout Diaries
Portions of this article originally appeared on http://steamrollerchicago.com/